Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in spinabifidagirl's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
1:13 pm	Crap Crap Crap well hello dear black hole- it has been a few mnths since I last posted here- and of course what prompts me "gristle" was actually the very technical term my doctor used, from my stomach area to loop around my urethra and kinda kink it closed like a hose- the idea being it would keep me dry until I chose to empty it with my usual method of catheterisation. this seemed to work just fine up until about a fortnight ago when i started wetting the bed again- for the first month it was great- I would still need to get up at night to use the bathroom- but my body would feel a pain and wake me up before anything happened- however now I feel like I have gone back to pre-operative levels whereby I just wet the bed ithout waking- even during the day sometimes I have accidents if I don't cath in time. My question is this- At what stage to I give up and just saylave me alone- this is my body for better or for worse and just accept that nothing is gonna change?- at what stage do I stop searching for the next possible surgery or procedure that might help- how much longer can I keep hoping ? My body is never going to be normal- 'I' am never going to be normal! But if I give up hope do I end up some lonely terminally sad person in the corner who lets life pass by ( although my friends and family would laugh if that was ever said in connection to me!) But I don't know what to do- I don't know what to think, and most of all I don't understand why the operation seemed to have worked for the first month and stopped working now- when my docotr said I should wait 6 weeks to let my body settle down and blood flow back into the muscle, I have to admit I thought he meant it would improve after the 6 weeks- not deteriorate. and I mean the next thing he mentioned was something to do with injecting balls of carbon into my body- I mean god- balls of carbon- ignoring that they would be small and barely noticable- it is just wierd to think about- and lets face it I don't have a good track record with artificial parts in my body! bah! I don't know- this is all rhetorical- its not like I can find any answers really- anyway that s all for today black hole- thanks for passively listening hehe Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Friday, September 1st, 2006
12:20 am	well hello dear black hole, haven't been here in quite a while- so I thought a little update was due so here is a summary of what has happened recently in my boring little existance- I say summary because I have a cold and it is late and I need my sleep at the moment! well hmm where to start? got a new car= much newer and shinier than the old one- keyless entry a panic button ( which works - I have accidently pressed it about 3 times so far- luckily after about 1 minute of loud beeping and honking etc I worked out u just have to press the "lock" button to get the car to shut up- useful fact to know as it turns out!)and cruise control, not to mention airconditioning and a CD player- BOTH of which actually WORK! ( what a relief/truimpf!) on the down side it is not the black or red colour I would have prefered- it is the same colour as my last one- as one friend said- it seems I may be destined to drive the same coloured car my whole life! but its allll good! hmm I have several new housemates 2 of whom find the need to eat dinner late at night and watch incomprehensible indian movies right outside my door at 1 in the morning, and another of which I am currently embroiled in a friendly disagreement of who should get what parking spot ( I call dibs on the paved/clean driveway since I am disabled and have trouble walking up the dirty stony hill- especially when it rains- not to mention I JUST got out of hospital after getting a bugger of an infection in my little toe! and biggest of all- I am going back into hospital in late september for my much touted second operation in a series of two- involving taking one of my stomach muscles from its rightful place supporting my rippled stomach ( hey the ripples might be fat on toned muscle- but if we don't specify it could be either *grin*) and moving it to loop around my bladder/urethra- so looks like I won't be doing any situps for a few months- gee the horror! ( cue intense sarcasm!) well I think that pretty much covers the main events for now- I must now go to bed and try and sleep so that I can stop feeling like I am being kicked in the chest every time I sneeze or that I am about to bring up a lung every time I cough! good night dear black hole! Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006
3:29 pm	Stupid Kangaroos! Hmmm, well the latest drama in my life has very little to do with my disability- I hit a kangaroo on the way out of town- suprising the amount of damage those buggers can do! The more annoying part?- well about 10 km's before that I handily avoided hitting a rabbit, now rabbits are generally seen as pests here-over running the country etc- but did I hit one of those little buggers and help our environment- NOOOOO! I had to hit a national icon dammit! which is also alot bigger= hit a rabbit and all I have to worry about is a bumpy moment or two- hit a kangaroo and my radiator ends up about 4 inches closer to me that it should be! Oh the Joy- and not only that but we were in the middle of nowhere and the only place my mobile had reception was about 1 metre directly infront of my car- and in the middle of winter- what fun! I hit the poor thing at about 10pm at night and didn't get back to my home (after finally being towed after many dramas!) until about 2am in the morning- euch! anyway I have to say I am blody grateful my parents got me insurance although apparently my car might be worth less than it would cost to fix it- wooo hooo!- a new car! heheheh bye till next time I will keep u updated dear readers! Current Mood: cranky (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 26th, 2006
3:46 pm	hello again black hole- long time no post! well hello dear black hole, and occasional readers. It has been so long since I posted that I decided it was way past time *grin*. well since I last posted,I have had a few drama's-long story short- I have an ulcer on my right little toe due to pressure when I walk- the toe nail got deformed and basically there was abloody great hole in my toe- NOT fun! Well it finally got infected in the bone of my little toe- which was discovered after an x-ray- and let me tell u - getting an x-ray of your toe SOUNDS easy - but it ain't! so off home I went not knowing about the infection- and the day after I got home for my holiday I got a fever and was admitted to hospital- NOT GOOD! so I had to have intravenous antibiotics for 48 hours- but they only mamaged 24 because I have crappy veins and the drip they finally managed to put in tissued ( the needle moved *out* of my vein and *into* my skin tissue) after 24 hours- so then it was onto oral antibiotcs for 3 weeks- but THEN I got something I believe is called the Nora Virus (sp?) which had stuff coming out of both ends (often simultaneously) on a regular basis- I caught it while in hospital- oh joy! so then I had 2 days of vomiting and about 2 weeks of sh*tting ( it tends to hand around longer!) which played merry hell with trying to day my 6 hourly antibiotics- "did I take my pill already- ohhh I just threw up- is it in there- check check check - YEP- ok try and take another one dammit!" anyway so since then I have had daily dressings of my poor little toe and am still good friends with our toilet. my poor toe is finally healing up so here's hoping I can get back to hospital for my next operation soon, and can start going back to the gym also!( good lord never thought I would hear myself say THAT!) hehe- anyway that is my story for now- bye till next time! Current Mood: cranky (Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
12:50 pm	w00t!- NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well hello all, today is a FABULOUS day!- I went sneaker( running shoes) shopping in the vain hope that I might find SOMETHING that my feet can wear- I warned the shop girl that I had challenging feet ( actually challenging is an understatement!) - one foot is one size bigger than the other- and even the bigger foot is only a size 6, I have high arches and slightly wide feet, and I need a high top shoe with a very strong heel counter ( the back bit) - it is very rare that I find a shoes that fulfills all of these criteria- last time I had to buy these crappy shoes that were low top, one size too big- but the heel support was ok- so normally I ahve to compormise- BUT NOT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!W000000000t! They are high top, the right size, strong heel counter, and best of all- under $100 !!!!!!!! SWEET!! *happy dance, Happy dance* I actually walked out of the shop and bounced for a few minutes- I felt like I might even be able to run in them- and best of all- the cuts on my heels are not as painful either- basically these shoes are MAGIC!!!!!!!! so can u tell I am happy here! *grin*- anyway enough about my FABULOUS, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, SPECTACULAR, SPLENDIFEROUS, MAGIC shoes- I am off to movie world tomorrow and they will come in handy- woo hoo!- bye now! Current Mood: jubilant (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
3:27 am	Bloody Bloody Bladder! Dag Nabbit, I am sooo tired of being back to having my 17 year old non-continent bladder- because I had a functioning bladder for 10 years now- I am soooo not used to having to worry about those little "accidents" in life- and so far I have had to wash my housemates 2 blankets, about 5 million skirts of mine (ok so I exaggerate a LITTLE!) and now after tonight- the cushion on the household sofa- going to be so fun to explain that to my bloody male housemates who don't really know about my spina bifida and all it entails- I have to say this is rather embarrassing all things considered= hopefully I can come home and get it washed and dried before they wake up/get back from work, to save me some of those awkward questions!- oh the joys of life with SB! anyway it is god awful early in the morning and I have to wake up earlier than normal to do the washing- so I am signing off now black hole........................................ Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
12:53 pm	Happy Mothers day! Well my mum is overseas at the moment so I can't send her a card, or an sms or even call her- but I didn't want her to think I had forgotten her- so I jsut thought I would use my journal to say Hello mum, happy mothers day , I love u heaps! my mum is a champion- when I was growing up she took sterling care of me- I am sure I was a pest- she wrapped my little toesies, and changed me and took me to my annual doctors appointments and many other things that I can't think of right now- but suffice to say she worked her butt off! love u babe! Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Monday, May 8th, 2006
1:29 am	Arghhhhhh! well I think I have finally officially decided on the phrase that annoys me the most in this world! it's when I am in an argument with someone ( and THEY are CLEARLY in the wrong!) I am getting some righteous anger going, and then they stop and say- oh don't worry I am not angry with u you or anything! And they manage to sound all magnanimous, and I am left sitting there infuriated and thinking "well how nice for you- I however am PISSED OFF like u wouldn't believe!" I mean SAY WHAT NOW????? of course they are not angry with me- THEY ARE WRONG!/treating me like a child and they are the father ( yes you saw through my cunning code- I am in fact talking about a real life situation involving an argument with my male best friend- who on a regular basis annoys the living shite out of me! arggghhhhhh! I mean come on I love and adore the boy but good god I already have a father! [with whom I have quite enough "disagreements" - Hi dad- love u! *grin*])so I don't need another one- why can't he live and let live- I mean they aren't even big things- he just likes to criticise things because "they are not good for me/he wants me to change/ he thinks HIS way is better- never mind that my own ways have gotten me through my life relatively unscathed and happy! although in the other parties defence I do have a problem with the giving up of control- just another aspect of living with spina bifida et al.- I can't control my body so dammit I WILL control my life and choices and decisions and preferences ! ok well my rant is over and I need to get to sleep- night night black hole!....... Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
7:11 pm	Ahhh Asian Men! well I just watched an american movie called the Debut- about a filipino family and the 18th birthday party they are throwing for their daughter- but of course it is mostly about the family dynamics through each generation- and anyway enough about that- I would just like to thank the world for producing such damn fine looking asian men- yummmmmmy! the dark hair, the dark melting eyes, the almond eye shape, the tan skin ahhhh............... hm hm please excuse me while I go take a cold shower- anyway I would just like to thank the casting directors of the world for hiring such fine looking actors like : Dante Basco ( HELLO!- YUM!), Jet Li, Jason Scott Lee (-not often seen but nice to watch when he is on screen!), Andy Lau and many more who remain nameless but still appreciated! hehe! anyway on the disability front things are going well- still not sure when I want to have the operation- JUne is the given month but dammit my birthday is in june and I do NOT want to spend my 27th birthday in bloody hospital- I did that a decade ago on my 17th and I don't bloody want to do it again when I have a choice! so possibly in the later half of the month AFTER my birthday and after my mom gets home from overseas ( yes yes I Know- 27 and I still want my mum in hospital with me- it is a mother daughter thing dammit! so shush! hehe) but my stitches are still a little tender- I accidently slept on my stomach the toher day and something rubbed on them- and it bled a little- gonna have to go see the doctor and get that checked I think- not a good sign overall! also I want to try and lose a little weight before I go into hospital again- just a personal thing really- with the added risk and all that ! anyway that is all for today- got to go burn some more calories by cleaning my astoundingly messy room! byeeeeeeeeeeee dear black hole.................. Current Mood: horny (Comment on this)
Friday, May 5th, 2006
7:14 pm	A slight reprieve! ahhh well thank the gods - today I remembered that I had about 7 receipts for dr's appointments that I could take into medibank private- so I am slightly moneyed up again- yay- just enough to allow me to relax a little- a safety net if u will! just in time because I have another podiatry appointment to pay for tomorrow *grin*- finally I can get my poor painfull feet tended to- so hopefully by then end of tomorrow I won't feel like the little mermaid from the original story- when she felt like she was walking on blades every time she moved anywhere! *fingers crossed* Current Mood: relieved (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
5:52 pm	Grrrr Argh! well yet again my beloved digestive system foiled my plans today- I was gonna go to the gym again today- but was chained to the bathroom yet AGAIN! oy vey! Well I am gonna go and get some food tonight- stock up on healthy stuff in an effort to eat better- rather difficult I must say- I think I will have to throw some things out to resist temptation! oh joy! Hopefully back to the gym tomorrow! In other news I watched a very dodgy movie today- shark hunter- although really if I had checked the cast list before I rented it I would have been forewarned- Antonio Sabato Jnr was in it- and let me say- that man is defiantly good looking but it seems that almost every movie he is in is almost guaranteed to be at least a b-grade effort! and lord was this ever! But I like shark movies and this had the mother of all sharks (which I am guessing was CGI seeing as it had a distinct look of malevolent evil on its face which most sharks seem to lack- also it was an extinct species! ( also- 70 feet long! hehe) Hopefully my other video choice will be better! ok well byeeeeeeeee black hole and lone promised reader! *grin* Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Monday, May 1st, 2006
7:05 pm	Feel the Burn! hmm well I am back from my second trip to the gym- and I did not live up to performance yesterday- only 15 minutes on the bike and 5 1/2 minutes on the rower plus about 30 minutes of weights- for some reason i enjoy the weights more though- not sure why- maybe because they make me feel stronger! Anyway I am definately feeling the after effects- my shoulders and arms are sore- and despite it being a cool autumn night I am still nice and toasty warm!- I jsut checked- it is actually only 15 degrees and I am sitting here in shorts and a t-shirt- nice and warm! hehe anyway in other news I would like to give a shout-out to my little sister Laniak ( her nickname!) HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hope you had a good day and yes don't worry your present will be there soon- it is in the mail! Anyway off to the shower to get rid of sweat!- Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)
3:48 pm	Me+The Rowing Machine+20 minutes= Pain, Pain, PAIN! well hello black hole- and lone reader- yes you read correctly I have had a post- someone is actually reading my babblings!- I may have to start saying interesting things! hehe ANyway- in reference to the title- well yesterday was my first day at the gym!- I did weights for about 30 minutes and then used a bike for 25 minutes and a rowing machine for about 10-15 minutes (ok so my title exaggerated a little but dammit it felt like 20 minutes- so as a result my back, arms. and upper shoulders are "feeling the burn!" but I guess if I want to lose the weight I have to do the work! But let me tell you dear black hole that I can barely lift my arms to write this post! And of course I intend to go back again today( in about 10 minutes in fact!) madness you say- yes I know- but these things must be done! However since my entire wadrobe consists of skirts, dresses and jeans, I think I am gonna have to go and buy some workout shorts to wear- boardies just don't have the same amount of stretch in them hehe! And possibly also a little radio with earphones- the music therre is crap! so anyway on that note I better go get ready for the gym- if I don't get there soon, the after work crowd will be there and I won't have any hope of getting on the machines! byeeeeeeeeeee black hole ( and lone reader!) Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 29th, 2006
3:25 pm	The End of My World as I Know it! Well hello blackhole( that is what I have decided to nick name you!- since I am not sure if anyone is even reading this!) well life after this weekend is gonna change for me- I am an overweight young woman and sick of it- so I am gonna do my damnedest to lose weight! To that end I am changing a lot of small things about my diet- switching to fake sugar, skim milk ( my mum will know how big this is for me- I LOATHE skim milk!), low joule soft drink ONLY! and doing things like cutting down on oil when cooking by using spray, and buying a bamboo steamer so I can steam my food!( thank god I know and love asian food!) More veges will be eaten along with more fruit. HOWEVER!, having said all that I absolutely refuse to give up full sugar cordial- I HATE the sugar free stuff, it is foul! - so that, along with the occasional chinese take-away (which I will try to limit to once a month!) will be my only concessions! In addition I am going to the gym today to see if I my long neglected membership is still current, and to see if they can find something for me to do that does not involve walking as my feet are REALLY bad at the moment- possibly the rowing maching and swimming might work ( if only I can find my swimming suit (togs for any queenslanders out there!). Because it is coming into wimter here and if I can't find my currnt pair of togs I don't fancy my chances of finding a new pair to buy! anyway that is my news for the day- byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye my darling black hole! Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
7:14 pm	God save my soles! Dear lord- well today is not a good day- I have an excess of gas in my stomach so that is giving me cramps, along with the fact that my feet are really bad at the moment, and since I went shopping today and walked around for like 4 hours- my feet have risen up in protest and are really really really hurting right now- to the point where I don't feel I can walk! that said I am off to cath and soak my poor defenceless soles! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
6:07 pm	Doctors Appointment! ahh yes- doctors- what fun they can be! I had an appointment with my GP last week just to get a few things checked out- see if I have a UTI etc (meanwhile if I don't have one I will be beyond shocked- why break the 3 year trend now!- also at the age of 26 and having had them throughout my life- if I don't know my body and its symptoms well enough by now I will be suprised! Got a mole checked out- it is apparently nothing but a bunch of little capillaries- which is reasurring- no suncancer for me thank god! Meanwhile- I asked my doctor about exerciseing with bad feet- the splits on them are pretty deep and painfull at the moment- she recommended swimming of course- meanwhile my podiatrist vetoed swimming due to the risk of infection! then she suggested just doing upper body resistance training and using the rowing machine- so might give that a go- want to try and lose a little weight before my next op!- don't want that adipose tissue getting in the way! I might go the swimming anyway- I am kinda good at it and my disability doesn't realy affect my ability in the pool- except for the fact that my kicking absolutely SUCKS! but hell that just means my upper body gets a better work out dragging my poor body with its excess adipose tissue through the water! I'll just have to take good care of my feet while I do it- I have been pretty lucky so far in relation to feet and infections- haven't had any so far- UTI's up the wahzoo and various other problems- but no infections due to my feet! Anyway off to clean my room and return some videos- chat to you on the other side of all that! hehe byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee black hole!!!!!!! Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
5:33 pm	THe ANts went marching ten by ten! hehe- well no chance to really send an interesting post today- Ants have invaded my room- so I am about to mount a massive cleaning job to try and work out what the hell is attracting them to my room in particular!- brief update- health- relatively good- slight stomach cramps thanks to my hernia- time for some medication! otherwise good. Went to see a movie today with friends- Ice Age 2- quite good- several laugh out loud moments!- got to love Queen Latifah! she rocks! Current Mood: curious (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
8:51 pm	Ahhh another day spent getting to know the toilet- ahhh "these are the days of our lives!" so annoying though- I mean I took a shower and washed my hair- had it all looking pretty to go see the cutie- then BOOM! had to have another shower and came out looking like a drowned rat! hehe! oh well- c'est la vie! Meanwhile living with 4 guys and no girls is GREAT fun!- NOT!- we share a bathroom- so as the only girl, I have to be really really sure to lock my bedroom door and pull my curtains if I am getting dressed- and gone are the days when I can dash quickly from the bathroom to the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel! ( well one of the guys does it- but that is his choice- personally I am waiting for the day he doesn't fasten it properly- and on that day I will go blind- if not automatically then personally out of self-defence!) Meanwhile I hate it when u think you are all done- nothing else could possibly be waiting to come out- then suddenly you get that feeling- and thus ensues a mad dash BACK to the bathroom for the 3.....4....5... time. And any medication u could take will only take too long to kick in because mostly this is short term stuff- only lasting for a few hours at most till u are squeaky clean and feeling flushed! Anyway time to go and take some medication - just in case it does any good! farewell until next time dear (hopefully existant) readers! Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
7:26 pm	Cute Guys- non disability related! Well hello all, this is my latest random post ( I will have a few of them every now and then- seemingly pointless messages that really don't tell u anything of worth!- except it gives me a chance to babble!) Well I watched a movie the other day- "She's the Man" which I actually really enjoyed- there were some damned funny scenes in it as well- and it was good to see a big manly man who jumped on a bed and screamed when a spider walked over his foot ( I myself am arachnaphoibc!) anyway as a result I decided to rent another movie with the same guy in it ( hey come on he is HOT ok!- or to quote the movie- he is a "very appealing guy.....man,....man-guy!" so I have had a very fruitful afternoon of perving on an actor ( oh his name is Channing Tatum for those who might read and wonder!) ANd luckily for me he went shirtless several times in both movies- ahhh I love the pause button! *evil grin* Thankfully when I looked him up on the internet I found out he was only born one year before me- which makes a nice change because I had quite a shock a few weeks ago when I was admiring another hot young actor in a movie- safe in the knowledge that hollywood usually casts actors in their mid twenties to play teenagers- only to look him up online and find out he was 16 when he made that movie- wow did I feel wrong! ( but dammit he was just so CUTE!) Anyway I am going to watch the special features on the dvd now- so chat again next time! Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Monday, April 17th, 2006
8:47 pm	Well I went to an easter movie marathon last night ( not that it had anything easter related- just that it was a public holiday!) and of course I foolishly decided to eat a handful of M&M's- ahhh my best friend the toilet- how well I got to know him today ( I know it is male because every time I go to use it the seat is up- don't ask me how many times I have nearly fallen in, during the night when I go in to pee in the dark and don't look before I sit!) Thankfully I think the horror is finally over- and all that is left to do is, buy some more pads, wash some clothes and drink about 3 litres of water to replace all the fluids I lost- ahhh the joys and quirks of my disability! I feel so drained(no pun intended!) Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)